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Monday, June 9, 2014

Month One Update

9:52 PM

It's been (roughly) a month since I started "trying" to lose weight.  I'd be a dirty lying liarpants if I said I was 100% in, 100% focused, 100% of the time.  I have done better.  I have exercised.  I have been more conscious of what I'm doing.

However.  A VERY BIG HOWEVER!!!! I'm still stress eating.  Still.  In fact, this morning I had a stream of thoughts along these lines:

- I'm going to do right today
- I'm going to drink all my water
- I'm not going to go downstairs and eat a bacon sandwich
- I'm going to lose this weight
- I'd really like some hot wings.  Some good ones.  Not too salty, just good and delicious.

And that's how it happens.  I caught the thought as it turned through my brain.  I didn't have hot wings for lunch.  Score!  I did, however, have free pizza and salad.  And the whipped cream off a cupcake.  Don't judge me, all I wanted was the whipped cream.

I'm down another 1.6, for a total of 2.8 pounds.  Yes, it's a start.  But it's not a great start.

One of my side hustle clients is a luxury drug rehab center.  One of their main focuses is equipping their clients to deal with stress without using their substance of choice.  My substance of choice is calories.  A lot of calories.  To numb things.  To block out others.  To pretend things are okay.  To quiet the doubt, quell the fear, avoid my thoughts.  I have to stop this.  I'm hurting me.  I've got to do better.

I'm totally Elsa.  I'm all "conceal, don't feel, don't let it show" and instead of turning my country into Siberia I'm turning myself into SumoBekonce.



I can do better.  I must do better.  I will do better.

Stats

Weeks 2-4 Lost 1.6 pounds, Total loss 2.8 pounds, current weight 248.0
Week 1 - Lost 1.2 pounds, Total loss 1.2 pounds, current weight 249.6
Starting Weight 250.8


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2 comments:

  1. There are always so many stops and starts in the beginning. Keep at it! I know you can do it!

    ReplyDelete

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