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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Juggling It All

1:52 PM

People say you can't have it all.  Celebrities would have us feel different, that you can juggle everything and nothing will suffer and butterflies will shoot out of your butt.  I'm not a celebrity, I have no team of assistants, no cooks, no house cleaners, no nannies and definitely no butterflies shooting out of my behind.

At one point I was all ambition and taking over the world and (yes this sentence runs on) becoming the VP of everything and bow down I'm the boss.  But, that ambition was costing me family time and I let it go.  Not completely, but I no longer feel the need to pull 80 hour weeks to feel fulfilled.  I still get a lot of esteem at work, it is important to me that I be seen as dependable, knowledgeable and a team player.  I don't call off.  Partially because there are more fun things to do with vacation days, but mostly because I don't want to be THAT employee.  I'd rather come in and infect everyone else.  Sorry coworkers, except not really.

When you combine that part of me with mommy me, we get this.

It's hard enough with the whole leave your baby with strangers and hope they don't treat her bad thing.  But then she gets sick.  And there's the juggling between I'm a good employee, I need my job so we can continue to eat and oooohhhhhhh she wouldn't have gotten these cooties if it weren't for the other germ filled kids at a school I need to be with her and stare at her.

I feel guilty for not being at work, and I feel guilty for feeling guilty about that.

Why is guilt an emotion?  Shouldn't evolution have taken care of this by now?  Is this so we don't run off and leave our young?  I'm not going anywhere, I worked too hard to get her.

But this feeling, this feeling that no matter what I choose it's wrong, it's for the birds.  Dirty, stinky boil infested birds.




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4 comments:

  1. The dreaded mommy guilt! May it be banished!! You're doing so much for her and giving her so much love. Even if you can't see it right now, she can surely feel it. ((hugs))

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  2. Excellent post! Why do we have to be guilty?? Can I live?? Working mama's have so many emotional struggles. My goal for the rest of the year is to do my very best at work when I can but when I can't because of family and my son--oh well. Family is forever. Work at a particular job--not so much (and if people can't get that--sucks for them).

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    Replies
    1. That's an awesome goal. I need to do the same. Work is just that, a means to an end.

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