People say you can't have it all. Celebrities would have us feel different, that you can juggle everything and nothing will suffer and butterflies will shoot out of your butt. I'm not a celebrity, I have no team of assistants, no cooks, no house cleaners, no nannies and definitely no butterflies shooting out of my behind.
At one point I was all ambition and taking over the world and (yes this sentence runs on) becoming the VP of everything and bow down I'm the boss. But, that ambition was costing me family time and I let it go. Not completely, but I no longer feel the need to pull 80 hour weeks to feel fulfilled. I still get a lot of esteem at work, it is important to me that I be seen as dependable, knowledgeable and a team player. I don't call off. Partially because there are more fun things to do with vacation days, but mostly because I don't want to be THAT employee. I'd rather come in and infect everyone else. Sorry coworkers, except not really.
When you combine that part of me with mommy me, we get this.
I feel guilty for not being at work, and I feel guilty for feeling guilty about that.
Why is guilt an emotion? Shouldn't evolution have taken care of this by now? Is this so we don't run off and leave our young? I'm not going anywhere, I worked too hard to get her.
But this feeling, this feeling that no matter what I choose it's wrong, it's for the birds. Dirty, stinky boil infested birds.