Monday, May 27, 2013

To My 18 Month Old Daughter

Dear Ladybug,

You turned 18 months old today.  Part of me doesn't even begin to understand how that's possible.  In a lot of ways, it seems like I was just pregnant.  And at the same time, holding an itty bitty baby seems like it happened so long ago.  It's crazy how time can move slow and fast simultaneously.

It's amazing to watch you develop into a little girl.  There are so many ways you are just like me.  You're so sensitive.  It's all about tone with you, the wrong tone can turn you into a bucket of tears instantly.  You love to receive praise, clapping and saying "YAY" will motivate you to do just about anything.  You love to help, you thinking helping is the best thing ever.  And, you're not afraid to ask for help.  I hope that sticks with you, that you always feel comfortable coming to me when something is too much for you to handle.  And I pray that I'm always as supportive as I am now.  There's a tough, scary world out there that would like nothing more than to see you fail, it's my job to counteract that.  You love books!  You love to be read to and to "read" to everyone else. 

You're the world's greatest eater.  You think rice and beans are the best things ever.  Second only to pizza "piza-piece".  You know what a pizza box looks like and you're not afraid in the least to demand your pizza right now!   You've got a wicked addiction to milk, and you voice it all the time.  Even though you're getting your second molars, in the middle of the night all you need is some milk and cuddles.  And occasionally to sleep on my pillow and allow me 4-1/2 inches of space on the mattress.

You're obviously the smartest baby in the universe.  There are so many words you can say, and you are a wiz at conveying your feelings.  You've recently started telling me when you need a diaper, so tonight, we broke out the potty!  And you put pee-pee in it! I have photographic evidence that I fully plan to pull out whenever you have friends over as a teenager.  

You're starting to try and assert your independence.  We haven't seen a full temper tantrum yet, but it is definitely apparent when you are not happy with something.  Running in the opposite direction is your new favorite game, although you always come back.  It's crazy, as parents, we spend all this time keeping you close, so we can teach you how to succeed when we're apart.

You've only been here for 18 months, yet I have a hard time remembering my life without you.  You're my little partner-in-crime, my little running buddy, my favorite person in the whole wide world.  I am blessed to have had the past 18 months with you.  Every day you learn something, you become better at something, you find another way to melt my heart.

I love you Ladybug. Every moment of being your mommy is a dream come true. 

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Weird TV - Does Someone Have To Go

The fall shows are on hiatus and it's time for "summer" programming.  This typically amounts to a lot of filler shows, shows that have little substance but are semi-interesting and kinda-sorta entertaining.  "Wipeout" on ABC is one of my favorites even though I can not figure out how those people don't die or end up seriously maimed. 

Tonight I managed to watch the series premier of FOX's Does Someone Have To Go? Mostly because it was so unfathomable that this could be real life.  Also - who thought of this title?  It sounds like a bathroom reference.

The premise is this, a business is in trouble so the bosses turn it over to the employees to shake things up.  Although one would think this would mean the employees would come up with innovative ideas to change the company's direction, that's not it at all.  In reality, no one would watch that show.  Well maybe someone would, but those few souls wouldn't be enough for the advertisers.

Instead of coming up with things to actually help the company, the employees get together to determine who should be fired.  This seems to be a three step process:

  • Everyone does a confessional about what they think of the other employees.  Sue Ellen is always late, Larry will stop you in the hallway to tell you a story and you end up losing 30 minutes of your life that you'll never get back, Linda steals other people's ideas.  Then they watch them all together.  Everyone gets butthurt. 
  • Then they display everyone's salary one at a time.  You see the person's title, the number of years with the company and their salary.  I couldn't see this happening in real life.   I don't want to know how much these other people make.  I don't need to know.  No good came come of this.  Lisa Mae makes $83,000 and has only been here 2 months?   Rufus only makes $25,000 and he works 60 hour weeks.  I can think of one individual specifically who would make me go HAM if I knew they made more than me.  HAM!!!!  Databases would be deleted, things set on fire, all of the keyboards stolen.  I don't need to know, never tell me. 

This is a really bad idea.
  •  Then everyone votes on who they think should be fired.  Of course it's not about what's best for the company at this point.  It's about getting back at the coworker that said your PowerPoints suck or makes more money than you even though you are in completely different roles.  
Once the votes take place, the bottom three are given to the bosses to think about making a decision.  Huh?  I'm sure that's great for morale.  I'm sure no one is plotting to take everyone out with arsenic after this process.  I'm sure the company will be so much better the end.   Or the cameras will go away, everyone will hate each other, productivity will be nothing, the company will go under and none of these people will be able to get a job because when you Google them this foolishness will come up.

One of those. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


Inertia* - objects at rest stay at rest and objects in motion stay in motion.  (short version)
 *That's a pretty word, I'm totally going to name my next baby that.  

Inertia is definitely real in my life.  When I'm in movement (like right now) I am MOVING.  I can not be stopped, circumstances be damned.  So what if it looks impossible, improbable, insurmountable, doesn't matter, because I'm moving.  I'm on a mission, I've got places to go, people to see things to do. Who cares that I don't know how I'm going to get there, I know where I'm going.

Part of me wishes I could stay in movement forever.  It would be awesome to always be on, to always have the self-propulsion to move forward even when it looks grim (glim - not a word.  I think glum and grim were trying to have a baby) .  Yet another part of me understand that those low moments, those times where I'm not moving are necessary.  It is necessary to stop and look around once in a while, even if I don't like what I see.   And necessary, because it is important to embrace where I am, and the vast majority of the time, where I am is just fine.

Somethings moving, somethings changing... it feels like heaven on earth.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Couch to 5K - C25K - Week 1 Day 1

Yes, I know that day 0 was 15 days ago.  We're not here for judgement people.

If you haven't seen "This is 40" you should, it's friggin hilarious!  I've been feeling a lot like Sadie lately.

After avoiding being physically active like the plague, I was back on the road today.  And I didn't travel alone, I figured that I'd take the Zahra, dog with me since she's, well, she's like me.  She does what she's supposed to do, she trots around the backyard, she chases birds, you know, standard doggy stuff, but she's not out there trying to win decathlons or anything.  And she's tubby.  She's 1/2 English Bulldog and she's supposed to be tubby, but not THAT tubby.

One trip around our subdivision is roughly 1/3 a mile.  According to the evil lady that lives in the C25K app, first up is the 5 minute walk to warm up. Works for me, walking isn't bad at all.  Especially when you're listening to BEYONCE!!!! Then came the first "jog".  I tried to find an app that started with like a 15 second jog instead of a 60 second jog, but my phone is almost out of memory so that wasn't an option.   Zahra was a trooper until we got to the jog part.  Apparently, Zahra doesn't "jog".  Pulling a 60 pound dog is not what's up.  After the first trip around the subdivision, she gave up on me. She kind of just refused to go anymore.  I brought her back in the house. 

With 20 minutes left on my workout, I tried to go back to "jogging", but it was hard.  Because I was imagining what the lady on the C25K looked like, and then knocking her over.  She kept saying stupid things to me like "start running".  I tried to run.  I did.  Maybe I need to do bed to couch before I can do couch to 5K.  I'd say I ran about 30% of the time I was supposed to, which is a start.

And I sweated!  (Is that a word?)   I used to think I didn't sweat a lot.  Maybe I was just dehydrated cause OMG!!!

Jethro ran track in high school, he took his team to state.  When I was done, I asked him, "You used to do this for fun"?!?!  Who does this for fun?  This is the opposite of fun. 

I did it all the same.  Week 1 Day 1 down, a whooooolllllleeeee lot to go.
from the

And kind of related (but not really).  Last night on the Billboard Awards, Nicki Minaj danced with her "butt".  Here's the thing.  It didn't move.  I assure you, big butts move.  I felt mine move all over the place.  Nicki Minaj's bootie is fake. Her bootie is a lie.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

The Best Book Ever

This weekend, Ladybug, my mother and I went garage sale shopping.  My mom's town has a citywide garage sale and it was a great opportunity to hit everywhere at once.  We came out with a few great finds, a jogging stroller for $35, a train set, and a bunch of books. 

I was feeling quite frustrated this weekend.  Well, not just this weekend, but in general.  I don't know if I'd call it a rut, maybe a rut-lite.  I've been feeling as though I'm not living up to my potential and as if I've made a bunch of poor life decisions. 

Ladybug loves books.  LOVES THEM.  Books are her favorite thing ever.  She'll bring you a book in a minute and demand you read it to her.  She even reads to the dog

And she gets mad when the dog doesn't return the favor.  Tonight we read one of our garage sale finds and woah buddy!  It was right on time.

It seems as though the greatest wisdom is reserved for little people.  By the time you're old enough to use it, you've forgotten it, or it seems to be "fluff".  But today it was right on time.  It's part two of the "I Think I Can" book (Who knew there was a part two??), my favorite parts were

"You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark,
And you'll wish for a light or even a spark.
You might get scared or a little bit sad,
Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.

So here's some advice to help ease your doubt;
The track you took in must also go out. (aka when you're going through hell, keep moving, if you stop you'll be stuck there forever)
So steady yourself and just keep on going -
Before you know it, some light will be showing.
And then you'll be out, heading to a new place.
You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face."


"If you rush forward, as a general rule,
Before you arrive, you could run out of fuel.
Don't overwork, but save up some strength.
That way, every day, you can travel great lengths.

You'll need all that strength on the days when you're stuck,
Or tired, or sad, or just out of luck.
When your belief in yourself doesn't feel quite so pure,
And your "I think I can" doesn't sound quite so sure.

That's when to push and to strive and to strain,
To show the world you're not a giving-up train.
And you're wise if you know that doing your best
Means that sometimes you should just slow down and rest." (sometimes the best way to hurry up is to slow down - my daddy)

Maybe someone else needed to hear this today.  Just because you seem stuck doesn't mean you are.  And giving up is typically not an option, but coming up for air is absolutely fine. 

I'm breathing - and going back in. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

Scandal Post: Unaswered Questions

I know a lot of people loved last week’s Scandal.  They thought it was fabulous.  I was so looking forward to a SURPRISE!!!!  I think the traitor was obvious, but the mole was unexpected mostly because I thought he was dead/in jail.  Guess not.  

Here are some of my unanswered questions:

  1. Now that we know David was playing everyone, does he know about Liv and Fitz?  Could he have been playing stupid about their relationship or did he really not know who Fitz was cheating with?     
  2. While talking to “Earl” we learn that part of Jake’s mission was to get between Liv and Fitz.  That means “Earl” knew about Fitz and Liv.  Does this also mean that Jake’s dive between Liv’s magical thighs was just to fulfill his mission?
  3. Everyone seems to be afraid to play the Olivia Card with Fitz.  Mellie didn’t name Olivia because Fitz would hate her.  Cyrus didn’t tell Fitz about Jake and Olivia because Cy would hate him.  Does Fitz have some magical unicorn capabilities that we don’t know about?  Or is it really the office of president that is most important to Mellie and Cyrus.
  4. Liv gets a lot of phone calls.  And whenever she hangs up and her phone rings immediately she always assumes the person is calling her back.  This is almost always a bad idea.  You’d think after the first few times she’d stop that.  Checking the caller ID isn’t that hard is it? 
  5. Everyone say how David reacted when he learned the Citron card still existed, yet no one thought it was weird that he wanted to stay behind alone in the office?

“Earl” is my name for Jake’s contact, we still don’t know his name, so I call him Earl. 

What do you think?

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Walking Solo

One of my biggest character flaws is a difficulty asking for help. In fact, the majority of my "oops" moments have been a result of me not seeking help when I should have.

It's like I have a running tape in my head that's telling me:

-You are the only one that is looking out for you
- When push comes to shove, you've got to be in your own corner
- No one is going to help you
- You've got to stand on your own
- You carry your own burdens

I've done a decent job of turning that sound track down. I won't lie and say that I've muted it, but it's there and I have really good hearing.

Today I was caught off guard by someone else's truth about me. No necessarily THE truth, but their truth. And it stung. Well, that's putting it mildly, it burned.

I promptly turned that sound track back up. And I don't think it's a bad thing. That says a lot. I'm not as reformed as I thought. And maybe reformation isn't always a good thing.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mother's Day Wishes

When you're going through infertility, Mother's Day can take on a different meaning than it does for everyone else.   Sometimes, despite how hard you try to fight it, Mother's Day can be a dangerous day.  It seems as though everyone is a mother but you, and that sentiment starts a dangerous spiral.  

I wish I had magical words to say, words of encouragement that would make things better.   But I don't.  There's nothing I could say that hasn't already been said.  Nothing I could try to convey that wouldn't sound forced or dismissive.

All I have is this.  The part of you that is hurting, the part of you that feels empty, the part of you that is aching is the part of you that IS a mother.  Not mother-like.  A mother.  That part of you will be the same part that is happy to watch them sleep, the part that makes you do checks in the middle of the night, the part of you that won't let you breathe until you know that they're ok, the part that will relish every hug, every kiss.  It's okay to let the mother in you be sad.  The bitterness of moments like these will make things all the sweeter when the mother in you becomes the mother everyone else can see too.

Happy Mother's Day.  Keep up the fight - you're fighting to get to meet someone you've loved for as long as you can remember, even if they don't exist yet.  It's the most honorable fight in the world.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Getting Clean - Ivory® 2-IN-1 Hair & Body Wash

As women, we have a lot going on in our lives.  We've got to take care of us, our menfolk, our kids, our parents, our friends, or jobs (see how far down that was), church obligations, book clubs, parent groups, kids activities, etc, etc and so on.  We're the keepers of the home, often responsible for groceries, household goods, personal care items everything.  And as women, we surely do have more than our fair share of personal care items.   A friend and I joke all the time about how cluttered the dreaded "under sink" can get
Not my sink!!!

Ivory has come out with a product to help with the clutter, and to make things easier on we busy women. 
Rub a dub dub

To be honest, I was a bit weary of the shampoo/body wash combo.  I loved the scent, and I loved it as a body wash, but could a product for my body really work for my hair?   Short answer, yes.   I rocked my curly fro for a week, and the Ivory 2-in-1 did a great job of cleaning my hair while not depleting it of moisture.  I really like it as a body wash too.  It's a time saver, no more fumbling through products under the sink.  And it's good for everyone, mom, dads and the kids

 So grab a bottle and take the challenge

Want to know more?  You can check them their videos and Facebook page

Disclaimer: I received this product to try at no cost from Influenster.  I was not paid to write this review, the words and opinions above are mine. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

What's In My Head


There's a saying thanks to the aviation industry there's a saying "put your oxygen mask on first before helping someone else.  People use that phrase quite often when talking about how women will put their families before themselves.  I get that.  At some point, you have to refill yourself, or you won't be good to anyone else.  At the same time though, as a mother, so much of them is your oxygen.   That need to check on them while they're sleeping, the thing that makes you double check that they have everything they need, that feeling you get once you KNOW that they're ok, those are the things that keeps us breathing, that keeps us moving forward.  That is our oxygen.

Puzzle Pieces

A friend posted a link to Karrine Steffan's blog where she talks about her love for Lil Wayne (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type).  I believe people want love to be clean, to have perforated edges, to belong in these compartments.  But love doesn't work like that.  Love is sloppy.  It doesn't stay between the lines.  There are bonds that link us.  And once formed, those links are hard to break.  This is why people find themselves wondering what if, or contemplating old loves, and going back to those people who didn't treat them right to start with.  Love isn't logical, it doesn't make sense.  But you know it when it happens, when you and someone else just fit.   Even if the fit is wrong.  I'm not condoning anything, nor do I think that it is smart.  But love isn't smart. 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

C25K - Week 1 Day 0

 I attempted the first Couch to 5K workout today.  All of the workouts are roughly 30 minutes.    Today's broke down like this

 - 5 minute warm up walk
 - 1 minute jog & 1.5 minute walk (8 times)
 - 5 minute cool down walk

I made a bunch of mistakes today:

  • Wrong apparel 
    • Attempting to jog in ill fitting draws is a poor life decision.  Jogging, outside, in front of the public is difficult when your underpants are under your under.
    • I wore a regular bra.  Nuff said.
  • I underestimated the workout
    • I was pretty confident today's workout should be 29 minutes of walking with about 43 seconds of jogging.  That was a set up. 
  • I chose the wrong music
    • I set Pandora to Britney Spears.  Don't judge me!  Britney has some great workout music.  Or did.  I should've gone with Beyonce. 

To be honest, I didn't do the whole jogging thing.  I mean I started to jog a couple of times but yeah.  I did walk the whole time.  Well, almost the whole time.  I kind of bailed on the cool down.   So, this doesn't count.  We'll try this again tomorrow. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Couch to Bed or 5K or Something

In the past week, I've lost three pounds (Woo Hoo)! I seem to be on the mend from the super cooties Ladybug brought home and finally seem to have some energy again. 

I've been thinking about running for a long time. Several years ago, I had dinner with one of my mentors.  I was looking for career advice and hadn't seen him in a couple of years.   When I saw him, I was shocked!  He'd lost a ton of weight.  He told me he'd taken up running, and had run his first half marathon.    I thought to myself, if he could do it, I could do it.  He was probably 25 years older than me and I figured I could do it too.  (stop laughing) 

In my infinite wisdom, I hooked up with a trainer.  Someone who was very familiar with running.  My brother, who was fresh out of the Marines.  Fresh.  Out.  Fresh!!!!!  We started running, and  running and although I wasn't good at it, it didn't suck that much.  Or so I thought.    After a while, my calves started killing me. Like on fire.  I tried to explain it to my trainer, but he reacted like a Marine.  And I reacted like a hormonal woman. And that was the end of training.  I saw my doctor a little while later who diagnosed me with doing too much too fast.  That was like 7 years ago. LOL. 

I like the thought of running.  I don't like the actual running part, or at least I don't think I do.  Jethro asked me what part don't I like, to which I responded "the part where you run".  That all being said, I'm constantly inspired by those that do run, so I'm trying to get into the game.  I downloaded a Couch to 5K app and I'm going to see how I do.  Anything has to be better than Couch to Bed like I have been doing. 

I want to be around to meet Ladybug's grandchildren, that's going to require some better life choices on my part. 

She certainly likes running

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I'm a 30-something wife, mom and pet parent. I've been blogging since 2004, at first solely on a blog for my friends and family. I love to write about everything. I can't say that A Bacon Flavored Life is about any one thing. If it occurs to me, it'll get posted. I write about life, love, infertility and a lot of "random".

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