Sunday, April 14, 2013

Olympus Has Fallen

1:42 PM


**Warning!  This contains spoilers.  If you've seen it, continue reading.  If you'll never see it, or don't mind a little spoiler, continue on. 
I was excited to see Olympus Has Fallen, partially because I'm pretty sure Morgan Freeman should be in every single movie and partially because one of my favorite people on the planet declared it the best movie ever.

The premise is this.  The North Koreans are able to infiltrate the White House and take it down.  Then then attempt to take control of our nukes.  Of course they do.  Because their nukes are wack.

Here's the thing.  This is the U.S. of A.  We spend more on defense than most countries spend on everything.  Ev. Ver. Re. Thing.   The beginning of the movie killed it for me.  Because there are quite a few things I don't understand.
  • An obvious war plane enters US Airspace and heads towards the White House.  A whopping two jets (2, as in 1 + 1) are scrabbled and they attempt to have a nice conversation.  We're not talking a Cessna, we're talking a WAR PLANE.   Over DC.  Seriously?  We're going to have a nice calm conversation about how you should land? Nope.   You get one courtesy "you gone learn today" and then the death ray.  Sorry.  Well, actually not sorry.  
  • Then the war plane gets close to the WC and there seems to be no good air defense.  None.   Like no one ever thought of it. We're just going to hope the bunker is strong enough.  Errr.  Really?  There should be a crop (yes a crop) of transformers to handle such foolishness.
Crop of Transformers
  • There's pandemonium in the WC.  Oh look there's a foreign dignitary here too.  Let's all go in the bunker.  I don't care how giving of a mood the President is in.  There has to be a contingency plan for this too.  You Mr. Dude from Not Around Here, you go in this other bunker.  Hope you make it there safely.  You can't come in here with me.  Sorry.  I don't know you like that.  You'll be more comfortable there.  Yeah that's it, comfortable.  
  • Then come the ground troops.  No one can shoot, no one has on a vest, all of our guys die.  All of them.  There should be troops just waiting for something to happen.  Doing jumping jacks to stay limber, waiting. "I wish a North Korean would show up today, I'm ready"  None of those dudes are around.  They are all at Taco Bell 45 minutes away or taking a nap.  
I don't believe it.

I'm not going.

This is some foolishness.

There must be an Optimus Prime under the front lawn, paratroopers in the top of the White House, tunnels full of soldiers, every kind of missile defense, lasers that shoot out of bushes, those things from iRobot, everything.  

It looked like we did our defense shopping at Walmart.  

Hopefully the next movie with the same exact premise, White House Down, does it better in June.

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  1. When I went to DC I even saw that the birds had ankle bar codes on them. I mean really, you can classify and track pigeons but let two Warjets cross a whole ocean?


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