I was watching the Robin Roberts special, and she said something profound, that I needed to hear.
"No where is it written that we should not be happy , that you get extra bonus points at the end because you trudged along, you did what you should do"
Woah. Simple enough right? But it's not for me. That's not to say that I'm depressed or unhappy. But I don't make my own happiness a priority. Ever. At some point, I convinced myself, that I had to be as selfless as possible. I honestly believe(d) that by putting my own needs last, I was being the best me that I can be. That can't be true. While it is important that I put my family first, if I'm doing all of this self-sacrificing, there won't be any of me left.
Truth be told, I've found myself several times looking for those bonus points. Turns out, if you think you're being selfless, and do something for someone else, but never tell that person, they won't know! They'll have no idea that you're doing all of these "sacrifices" or that you're putting their needs first. And you never get your bonus points!
Since I'm keeping it real with myself. If I'm looking for bonus points, was I really being selfless in the first place? Or is this another instance of my need to be seen as perfect? A perfect person would be selfless, and wouldn't brag/boast about what they did.
Perfect people don't exist. I am not perfect. There are no bonus points, I've got to find balance.
Maybe that's my goal for 2013, balance. Yes, I know it's February. There's still plenty of time.