I am not in touch with my feelings. In fact, my feelings and I aren't even in the same zip code. If my feelings and I were on a map, I'd be hanging out in San Francisco, while my feelings vacationed in Maine. And I like it that way. I'm a logical thinker. In most instances, my thought process looks like this
As thoughts should. Feelings make things complicated. I don't like complicated. I hate clouded judgment. I hate not being able to make rational decisions because everything is a big jumble. My brain shouldn't look like this.
If I'm honest about it, I see most feelings as a sign of weakness. I KNOW this is wrong, that feelings are a part of life, that we are both logical and emotional creatures. Doesn't change things. I'm known as the cool, calm and collected one, and I believe this is part of the issue. My perfectionist tendencies don't allow me to be angry. Perfect people aren't angry. So I don't have angry outbursts, or snap judgments. Instead, I simmer. Something will make me mad and I'll sit on it. I may even have arguments in my head with the other person. But I don't say anything, instead I act as though nothing is wrong. I KNOW this isn't healthy. I KNOW that I'm not doing myself or the other party any favors by keeping my mouth shut. What I don't know is how to express that anger without feeling like I'm out of control, or looking like a crazy person.
How do you do it? How do you give a voice to your anger without being consumed by it?