Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Dear Beyonce

9:25 PM

Dear Beyonce,

I really wanted to see you in concert.  Really.  I was ready to break my $40 rule (no ticket to anything should cost more than $40) and everything.  I was ready to scream, and shout, and let it all out (wait, wrong song) and do all of the choreography and buy a t-shirt that cost way too much.  I was ready to stay out late on a work night (like a school night but worse) to put on a performance right along with you.  I was ready to sing Listen all loud and emotionally, like Curtis was really right there and give him what for with my voice that all of a sudden has some personality (Deena never could've sung Listen, but that's another post).  I was ready to bust out the butterfly during Baby Boy like it's 1993 because that's the closest I can get to a "dirty wind".

But I can't.

You see, your tickets sold out in about 12 seconds.  And that's sad.  Sure I can still get a ticket, to watch you do this


But I'd have to pay three times face value.  As much as I love you B, as much as I think we have a special bond because our birthdays are on the same date, I won't pay three times face value.  For that you'd have to come over here after the concert and:
  1. Fry me some chicken
  2. Clean the kitchen afterwards
  3. Read Ladybug Brown Bear because that's her favorite book in the whole wide world
  4. Vacuum
  5. Prepare seven meals for the freezer
  6. Wash, blow dry and flat iron my hair
  7. Wash the dog
  8. Give me a pedicure
  9. Bake me a pound cake
  10. Find the mates to all of the missing socks
I don't think you have time for all of that.  While I was doing research for this post, I found that some deranged, crazy, psycho, glue sniffing, paint huffing individual has posted tickets for $549,649... each.

Um what? Sure they're good seats.  And I know you put on a heck of a show.   But, no one is worth the price of a few condos, some Ducatis, and a couple Lexi.  I don't care how good your fried chicken is.

So instead I will wait on the DVD for the Mrs. Carter Show World Tour Starring You, and watch the one I already have.

Maybe next time B, maybe next time. 

Written by


  1. Hahahah!! I love her too but I ain't crazy enough to spend my pennies like that..


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