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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 Wrap Up

I'm not a member of the "New Year New Me" committee.  Truth is, the only thing that's different between you at 11:59:59 on 12/31 and 12:00:01 on 1/1 is two seconds.  Although years are great periods of time to be able to reflect on, changing the calendar doesn't change you.  You have to change you.  That being said...

2013 was a great year.  No, things aren't all rainbows and unicorns but we're ok.  I'm thankful for my family and friends.  I got a new job and a new side hustle this year.  My mystery symptoms from over the summer have all but disappeared, I think the cardio nurse was right, I had a wicked case of "life happens." Treatment?  R-E-L-A-X!!!

I learned to give myself a bit of a break and to relax.  Or "relax" if you know me for real.   I completely and utterly failed at losing weight this year.  In fact, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was Jan 1st.  If I keep it real with myself, when I get stressed I eat.  And I've made absolutely no time for exercise.  Exercise makes me sad.  I don't have time for sadness. 
My current situation... If you make this wayyyyyyyyy bigger

While I'd love to say Jan 1st I'm going to do better that's a lie.  A giant lie.  Partly because Monday is nacho day in the cafeteria (priorities may be a bit janky) partly because I know that's a set up for failure.  But I know I have to do better.  I'm down to only a few pairs of pants fitting and my draws almost cut off my circulation the other day and this might be rock bottom, if rock bottom gets excited about nachos that are six days away. 

I'm a better person today than I was on Jan 1, 2013.  I got even better at leaning on my friends and understanding what friendship really means. I can ask for HEWP!!! when needed. I have an awesome family.  I can almost identify when I'm stressing out and deal with the issue (almost). 

I'm looking forward to 2014, 2013 was a great year - but it's just the beginning.  

I'm going to partay tonight (aka drink one drink and start feeling "different") and see if Beyonce's onto anything with this whole drunk in love business.



Until next year

Monday, December 30, 2013

So D. Wade's Baby Affects You How?

Ugh.  I hate the interwebs.  

The problem with the internet is that people get really bold.  People love to talk about this and that and other other thing, and what they would and would not deal with, and how awesome everything is in their world and how they poop rainbows and nothing bad has ever happened to them and they're single because they are too awesome for a relationship and blabbity blabbity.

And it is all so easy because from the comfort of your home/car/bathroom stall you can be as big and bad as you want to be.  No one is there to tell you to STFU, or to call you on your bs or point out all of the ways your life sucks.

In today's episode of "OMG I would never!!!!" it became public knowledge today that D Wade has a baby boy with some chick other than the lady that became his fiance a week or so ago. According to news report it happened when he and Gabrielle Union were on a break.   And even if it didn't. So what.  So the F what.

One day, when I get tired of my abusive relationship with food I'm going to have this body with way more boobs. Way.

I can't claim to be a Gabby Union fan.  Mostly because her face does too much all of the time.  She has at least 8 times the number of facial muscles as regular people.  And she always plays the same character.  But what she chooses to do in her relationship is her business.  They've worked it out, they're happy, ok so be it.

The internet people are not okay with it. Comments have reached levels previously reserved for describing why Beyonce is slowly eating souls.  People are starting fights and damning all men and women and swearing up and down what they will and won't stand for.

Here's the thing.  You don't know what you will and won't deal with until you're in the situation.  You don't know theirs.  Relationships take work and have tons of ups and downs.  And while some issues are universally not ok (like how Ike did Tina), other people decide the terms of their own relationship.

How D. Wade and Gabrielle Union choose to handle their relationship and this child is up to them.  And only them.  Tomorrow you will wake up to the same life you had yesterday. Despite the 45 minute argument you had with I_Hate_DWADE on Facebook today. 

In the words of this awesome toddler, worry about you self.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas Traditions

It's been said that you haven't really seen Christmas until you do so through a child's eyes.  I think there needs to be an asterisk that specifies said child must itty bitty and awesome.

This is the first year that Ladybug understands Christmas.  Well, she understands that there are awesome lights and presents.  And she loves everything.  Every present she opened was followed by the most sincere WOOWWWWWW ever.  She loves everything and is thankful for everything.  I wish I could bottle that sentiment.  Maybe pull it out when she's 16 or 22.

She thinks Christmas lights are awesome. And I don't mean epic light display of awesomeness.


I mean lights

"Wow... Oh my goodness... Look!! Lights"

Since she actually understands what's going on now, I started to think of Christmas traditions that we could do as a family.  When I was little there were a few years where we made our own Christmas ornaments, which I figured was a good place to start.  I hit Hobby Lobby and improvised because if you wait until December 23rd there are slim pickings.

On Christmas Eve a good friend came by and she, I, Jethro and Ladybug created our masterpieces.




The plan is to do these every Christmas Eve.

The other Christmas Eve tradition I blatantly stole borrowed from a lady I used to work with.  Every Christmas Eve her kids get to open one gift.  And every year that gift is Christmas pajamas.  They get an early present and are all ready for Christmas pictures in the morning.
I can't wait to add even more things that will be uniquely ours.

Do you have any Christmas traditions? What is special to your family?

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Please be very quiet

Alternate title: Everyone STFU. 

I'm in a mood.  I know this mood is caused by my hormones.  I acknowledge this.  Because I'm able to acknowledge this fact, I know to keep my mouth shut.  Otherwise, I'll be making big deals out of the little things, cause I've got big deals and little things.


But I digress.  Here are the top 5 things I wish people would STFU about.

1. Everything (but that would make a short list)
2. Obamacare - I don't want to hear one word about it.  Not about how the website is broken, not about how it's going to save everything. 
3. The Weather - I say this as someone who abhors driving in snow.  Mainly because everyone drives like an idiot and it takes me 3 hours  to get anywhere.  All the newscasters are "it's the biggest snow fall since the last time we had less snow than this".  So.  What.  We don't have mountains of snow.  Shut it.
4. Bad things about Scandal - I don't mean "this plot line is dumb" or " seriously Cyrus" or "Huck nooooooooo" But "everyone that watches Scandal is condoning adultery" and "I've never watched an episode but I hate it".  STFU.   (I don't know how I've managed to not blog about Scandal at all this season - I need to work on that)
5. Any talk of the war against Christmas - Guess what? It's not a real war.  No one is out to get Christmas.  And Christmas the way it's currently celebrated has little to do with Jesus - but that's a different post.

Monday, December 16, 2013

The Night I Met Beyonce

.
I have made no secret of my appreciation for the entertainment wonder that is Beyonce as seen here, here and here.  But, the thing is... I'm cheap.  And I really couldn't see myself spending a whole lot of money for a few hours of entertainment. So I missed the July show. And felt bad about it.  It is extremely rare that I splurge on me and YOLO and all of that.

When they announced that she was coming back in December and I was determined that I was going to see her.  Even if I had to write 300 articles about ovaries, or HVAC or some random things to earn the money.  I was going to go. And, I was taking my sister.  I spent the better part of the day searching for tickets, looking at the total and then backing out.  Multiple sections, various variations, making up promotion codes just in case - but I couldn't pull the trigger on spending the equivalent of my car note on tickets.

So, our seats were um, not exactly close. 



You see those dark spots on top? That's where I sat.  Yes - on the outside. Being on the inside was extra.
 
It was an awesome show.  I'm sure at one point she looked up and we locked eyes, experiencing what can only be described as some foolishness I just made up.  You can't lock eyes with someone who is sitting on the outside of the building. 

It was the same day that she dropped her super secret, we didn't tell anyone, bet I still sell millions, album. Even though I'd seen them before, I was surprised at how many people were complaining about Beyonce.  As though their entire existence had been ruined because she put out an album.  To be honest, I can't think of another artist that receives as much "hate" as Beyonce.  R Kelly peed on 8th graders and nothing is said, but a grown married singing about grown woman things is an abomination?  There are plenty of artists that I don't care for, but I'd never go around bashing them on social media and then flying into a rage if people disagreed. That makes no sense.  If you don't like her, that's fine, please keep it to yourself.  And I, in turn, won't go all crazy lady when Lady Gaga wears a meat dress.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Random Update for November

I've been with the new company for over a month now and I can honestly say I don't feel like I'm completely in my rhythm yet.  I'm not sure what it's going to take exactly, but I still feel kind of off, as though my schedule doesn't quite fit.  It's partly the commute which is longer than it was previously, although my body is (mostly) accustomed to getting up at 5 now.  Other than the first week I was there, I've had a lull in article orders , which may be why I feel my schedule is loose.  I don't have to schedule every moment once I get home.  I'm sure it'll continue to shake out. 

***

Tomorrow is our celebration for Ladybug's birthday.  Two looks good on her.  Even if she is talking all crazy.  She's definitely daddy's baby.  Ladybug stayed with my mom and sister while Jethro and I went car shopping.  When we returned she said "no mommy, just daddy". Repeatedly.  Apparently I'm not allowed in Nana's house. 

***

Obligatory comment about my weight.  I fell off the wagon.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that statement doesn't begin to cover the depth of foolishness that is going on in my diet.  I like food.  I wish I didn't.  Well.  I wish I had some will power, or that I used said will power that is hiding somewhere.  It's probably hiding in the box spring, I never look in there.  

I know I need to be active and eat a piece of fruit or something, but all I can muster is a meh.  And it's not even a strong meh.  It's a meh meh. 

***

I never go to bed on time.  It makes sense when I have articles because then I'm making money.  But the rest of the time I just stay up because.... I don't even know why.  I say I'm going to do better, but I don't mean it.  Or I do mean it but I fail to execute.  I'll put this on my things to do list, or something.  But probably not. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

The Road To Becoming a Christmas Crazy Lady

I used to be normal.  (Shut up) I used to buy Christmas presents without much thought or fanfare.  You need a present?  I bought something suitable.  End of story.

Things aren't that way any more. I'm starting to lose it. 

I first noticed the change was happening last November.  Ladybug's birthday is exactly four weeks before Christmas, so while I was shopping for her birthday present I naturally run into early Christmas shoppers.  I was in Toys R Us (never go in there!!!)  looking for gifts for Ladybug and her cousin who is 2 weeks older.  To be honest, I couldn't tell you the last time I'd been in TRU before that day. But once I got in there something happened.  All of a sudden, I had an overwhelming feeling that my child was totally less fortunate and she needed all of the things in the store.  ALL OF THE THINGS.  Never mind she wasn't quite 1.  No big deal that she wasn't walking on her own yet.  She needed things.  MY BAAAAABBBBBBYYYYYYY

I was able to get out of there with just the things I came in for, my notion that one year olds don't even know what a birthday is, still mostly intact.  But the seed was planted.

We're planning Ladybug's second birthday party now.  Invitations have been sent.  Decorations purchased.  No effort menu planned (I told you have no tiiiiiimmmmmeeeeeeee).  All that are needed are presents.  PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!

About a week ago, we received three big toy books on the same day.  Target, Walmart (meh) and TRU taunted me with their gift offerings.  And they put both the Minnie Mouse and Doc McStuffins items on the same page. I actually said out loud "WHY WOULD THEY SEND THIS TO MY HOUSE?!?!?!" I found the perfect gift, the Doc McStuffins Check Up Center. I tried to find a better price online, no dice.  So I broke down and intended to order it from TRU, but they didn't have it available for online delivery.  However, you could set it up for pick up from a store.  Of course, none of the stores close to me had it.  Oy.  I made the executive decision to try a store near me anyway.

A reasonable person would've just ordered from the not-close TRU since I tour half the country on my way to and from work anyway.  But I am not reasonable.  I am a crazy lady.  I decide I'm going to the store anyway because the internet is a dirty liar.  Anyone that knows me knows me and the internet are bffs.  This addiction has made me turn my back on my bff.  (This might be rock bottom).

Into the store I went.  I found the sale stuffed puppy, grabbed some Mega Blocks and hit the Disney Junior section.  No care center.  I find the display in the middle of the aisle.  The sad, empty, used up display - no care center.  I see a guy walking with a care center and ask him where he found it.  He replies he had the last one. I punched him in the esophagus and took it.  Ok.  Maybe that didn't happen.  But I thought about it.  I was confident I could outrun him.  He had what my baby needed!  Well, she doesn't NEED it.  And she doesn't know it exists, and she's easily entertained with a fly swatter, but still.  IN THE ESOPHAGUS!!!


And then I came to my senses and left that evil place.  Maybe they do something to the air in there.  I ordered it from far away store like I should've done in the first place.  I picked it up today, no muss no fuss, no punching anyone in their esophagus.

Maybe there's a pill for this. 

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Needing something

I know you're supposed to get to the point in life where you want for nothing. When what you have in that moment is enough. I often thought of that to be material or financial. I never had a reason to think otherwise. I've never been one to need a lot of "stuff."  I don't care about designer labels. And as long as my clothes are clean (I'm supposed to do laundry? Oh) I'm in a good place. Financial stability is a huge trigger for me, if I don't feel secure financially I STRESS THE HELL OUT.  I'm ok there.



But as with most things when you change one part of a system it affects others. 

Time. I'm low on time. There are 24 hours in a day. I could use about 33. I think 33 could do it. 

I feel like I'm always rushing. Always. I'm grabbing dinner on the way home more often than I'd like. I feel like I haven't been spending enough time with my vacuum. (I enjoy vacuuming and we have a dog and I like it clean). 

After cleaning the kitchen with a fury on Friday night, eating almost no dinner, and apparently looking about twelve shades of crazy Jethro gave me a sit down. We're going to handle household duties differently so I don't have to "sprint" all weekend. And I'm supposed to look like a normal person or something. I'm working on that. Lol. 

Here's the part where old me would chide myself for not asking for help. But nope. I don't have time for that.


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Growing Up Babies

When you first have a baby, they need you for everything.  Mommy is the whole world.  ESPECIALLY if you're breast feeding.  (Not a knock on formula feeding).  No one else has the boobs, so no one else will do.  They are comforted by your touch, your smell, your body warmth, the way you breathe, the sound of your voice you are all they need.

The tricky thing about this whole parenting deal is the very milestones you're looking forward to are the beginning of growing them up to leaving you.  Sitting up, talking, walking, eating solid foods, following directions, all of these things are important to life away from you and your magical boobs of awesomeness.

In less than three weeks Ladybug will be two.  We're already seeing the telltale signs of 2 including:

  • Use of the word "No" in every possible situation. 
  • Never wanting to leave anywhere ever
  • Needing to do it herself aka "Ladybug do it" 
  • The use of stall tactics to delay bedtime including "no daddy kisses" (Kisses happen right before bed as a part of our routine) and 53,215 bathroom trips. 
  • Very clear requests for every meal, most of which are "daddy cereal" also known as Froot Loops. 
  • The most possible emotions.  It's like she's a hormonal teenager without the hormones or the teen part. 
She's also the funniest little person in the universe.  I told her a few weeks ago she looked like Michael Jackson and since then she's been obsessed.  She rocked out to 'Remember the Time' like no body's business and kept asking for "more" (while doing the sign for more, she's serious about her more).  She knows how to tickle and give zerbers.  She's declared that contrary to my belief, she does not have the Heebee Jeebees.

Even though I'm sure I'll blink and she'll have her doctorate, I'm enjoying "almost two."  Well except for the meltdown for no good reason part.  That's the exact opposite of fun. 

Friday, October 25, 2013

Fifty Random Facts About Bek

A few of my blogger friends started it, and although I tried to fight it, I've got the bug.  And I also have 24 minutes of quiet because Ladybug is having daddytime and I'm not invited.  Daddy time is awesome.  Yay daddy time!!!

So here we go, 50 random things about me.

  1. I love "random", random posts, random number generator, random topics of conversation, random is my favorite. 
  2. I do math in my head all the time.  If someone lists numbers, or talks about numbers I can't help but to try to solve them in my head.  In fact, I can't stop until I figure it out.  It's not uncommon for me to come up with an answer, but to have a difficult time explaining how I got to it.  It just kind of happens.
  3. I'm addicted to my phone.  I probably need a 12 step or a patch or something.  I can't keep my hands off of it.  
  4. I hate phone calls.  When my phone rings I kind of want to punch it.  There are a few exceptions to this rule, but mostly, please send me a text.  Or 52 texts. 
  5. I hate when people fake laugh.  A chuckle is okay, but an all out fake laugh is stupid.  Don't do that.  
  6. I'd pay money for a good scalp massage. 
  7. I retain water when I eat salty foods, mostly in my belly but in my legs too.  Whenever I eat Buffalo Wild Wings I can count on being 4 or 5 pounds heavier the next day.  
  8. I think Doc McStuffins has really good life lessons.  She says you're supposed to stop eating when you're full.  I'm still working on that.  
  9. My favorite movie of all time is Sliding Doors.  Most people have no idea what it is.  Google it, Netflix it.  It's about how something seemingly insignificant can have a huge impact on your life.  
  10. Since getting the job ghostwriting for the infertility center I have been uninspired to write anything else.  Screw your HVAC articles.  
  11. I'm highly addicted to Candy Crush.  
  12. I love buying towels and sheets and housewares. 
  13. I could rotate eating spaghetti, pizza, nachos and hot wings and the occasional vegetable and be just fine with that. 
  14. I really enjoy knock off pop, especially knock of Dr. Pepper.  Dr. Wow, Dr. Skipper, Dr. Rocket are my favorites.  
  15. I don't do my laundry until I'm out of clean draws.  Yes, draws. 
  16. I haven't had a relaxer since 2000 or so, mainly because every time I got one I'd get burns.  I'd rather deal with the frizz.  
  17. I'm still mad at someone I went to high school with for not being who they portrayed them self to be.  Yes, that was intentionally vague. 
  18. My favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla. 
  19. I love rainy days when I'm not in the car
  20. I've had really good relationships with all of my bosses. 
  21. I'm very selective about who I let into my inner circle. 
  22. When I'm stressed I eat everything.  Sometimes I figure out that I'm stressed when I notice that I'm turning into a human vacuum. 
  23. I'm not in touch with my feelings at all.  
  24. I would love to go to Vegas for the weekend to see a show, play Keno and stuff my face. 
  25. I'm a mutant and my hair and nails grow super fast. 
  26. I'm a hairy monster and if I didn't try to do better my hairline would start about mid neck
  27. Even though I don't like "feelings" I'm super empathetic.  I get teary when I see other people have big emotional moments. 
  28. I think Jimmy Kimmel is hilarious. 
  29. I have pizza for dinner virtually every Friday.  
  30. I enjoy vacuuming but hate mopping. 
  31. I do not like seafood, Ew. 
  32. I'd love to have a burrito sized Meximelt from Taco Bell 
  33. Target is my favorite store, I can walk around Target for hours. 
  34. Walmart is a sad scary place, I get in and out of there as fast as possible. 
  35. I have 4 crockpots, and I got super excited when I saw a combination crockpot thing on sale last week.  Maybe I should cook something. 
  36. I have two Masters degrees.  
  37. I don't like the "club", I'm anti loud and lots of people.  I'd rather read a book. 
  38. I want to do karaoke again 
  39. I make really good spaghetti and therefore have high spaghetti expectations.  When people have spaghetti fails I get sad.  
  40. I love to write but I suck at word games like Scrabble
  41. When I get bored my brain goes into "sleep mode" and I get instantly sleepy. 
  42. I have the most awesomest parents ever. 
  43. I had keloids on the back of both of my ears for nearly twenty years.  Everyone told me they couldn't remove them.  When I saw my current dermatologist she cut them off the first visit.  Bam, just like that. 
  44. I have seborrheic dermatitis, my skin, particularly my scalp and hairline, scales over and then flakes off making for dandruff.  It seems to crop up from nowhere.  I should make an appt to see the derm for medicine. 
  45. I get really bad migraines 5 or 6 times a year.  They last for days and I don't feel any relief until I throw up.  Unfortunately, I had one my first two days at my new job and got sick while at lunch with my team.  Luckily I know the signs so no one was the wiser.  
  46. If I don't KNOW you I'm probably not going to eat your food. 
  47. I've never had a cavity. 
  48. I believe in stranger danger. 
  49. I don't like scary movies.  I'll take a comedy any day. 
  50. Ladybug is nearly 2 and I still have phantom kicks aka gas.  I'm overly aware of my innards. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

TLC Movie aka Silky Smooth Awesomeness

Last night was the premiere of the TLC story.  I think it's hard to capture years of people's lives in a movie that is a few hours long.  That being said, the film did a good job of hitting the major points of their lives during TLC's rise to the top.  So here are my thoughts:

Mr. Dalvin

A lot of people had issues with whomever they cast to play Mr. Dalvin.  I couldn't tell you who played him, only that he didn't look like Dalvin from way back in the day.  But.  Have you seen Mr. Dalvin lately?  Time has not been his friend.  He fell off a stage not that long ago, and not in a good way (although I'm not sure what a good way to fall off the stage would be). So maybe his casting was more of a back to the future type of deal?

Dallas Austin
I liked Dallas back in the day.  And if I remember correctly, he was G.A. from ABC's brother.  Evan Ross wasn't the best choice because although he's like 25, he looks like he should be 7 or at most 8.  8 year olds are not hot.  There's no way She Who Has the Best Hair Ever would've been all sprung on a dude who is in the 3rd grade.

RAV-4
My mom drives a RAV-4.  RAV-4s are good, reliable vehicles.  They are made by Toyota so naturally they are good for longevity.  As much as Kanye makes me tired, even he knows what's up "What you think I rap for to drive a BLEEP Rav-4?"  No.  You shouldn't rap for a Rav-4.  If you're bringing in millions of dollars you should at least be able to get a shiny non Nana car. 

Silky Smooth Awesomeness
I know you're not supposed to covet things.  But.  Chili has the best hair ever in the history of hair.  Oh how I covet her curls.  They always seem to do right.  And then she straightens it and it's even awesomer.  They get a C- for duplicating her awesome hair.  It was evident what they were trying to do but it didn't ever quite happen.  Like they were missing unicorn tears and rainbow dust when they were using styling products or something.
Best hair ever!!!!!!! (on the right, LOL)

Overall, it was a good telling of their story.  Just enough drama.  Pebbles is apparently all in a tizzy for how she was portrayed, but to be honest other than showing how the business side of music really works, she didn't come accross as evil.  She'll be alright. 

Monday, October 14, 2013

New Beginnings

I don't talk about "professional me" a lot here.  And that's intentional for many reasons. 

I've been with my current company for 7 years.  And to be honest, it was probably time for me to move on years ago.  But I didn't.  I told myself it was important to be able to take FMLA and stay home with my not-yet-conceived baby, which would mean that I'd have to be with a company for at least a year.  It seems the universe had a bit of fun with that one. 

Fast forward, I began to look for a new job nearly a year ago.  I had a few goals:

  • Closer to home
  • Room to grow 
Not a long list.  And I lucked up on a job posting that was only 15 minutes away.  Compared to my hour+ drive now, it was the best place on Earth. I made it to the final two.  But not that one that mattered.  I called for feedback, and there was none, I was awesome.  Just not awesome enough.  Bummer. 

Then a place where I could tell my manager and I were not a good fit, the position wasn't a good fit.  Everything about it was wrong.  No biggie, just not for me.

Then (lol yes another then) a place that seemed like a great match.  Company was very socially involved, long term employees, I seemed to mesh well with the team.  The hiring manager was walking out at the same time as me and told me to expect to hear from them soon.  The recruiter was practically inviting me to dinner.  And then apparently they were sucked into a black hole or something because there wasn't a peep for nearly a month, followed by a "we didn't pick you" email. 

I still looked kind of passively, but had decided I wasn't burning anymore PTO days on interviewing. PTO days should be full of fun!!!  

As a family, we prayed on it.

And then opportunity knocked.  And to be honest, I almost didn't answer.  You see, this opportunity didn't meet all of my listed criteria.  Yes, I know I only had two.  It was a giant fail on number one.  GIANT FAIL.  I started talking myself out of it.  I had 537 excuses.  I sent a text to a friend, she told me to get it together and to at least TRY.  I saw the job description and it was awesome and everything I was looking for, and then I made more excuses.  And she kept being positive because she's awesome. 

Tomorrow is my last day with my current company.  I'm grateful for my experience and I'll miss some aspects of it.  I start my new job on the 21st

But better things are on the horizon.  I'm growing professionally and will need to manage that while being wife and mom.  I'm starting anew, people don't know how awesome I am yet, I have to earn it.  I'm ready and thankful for the challenge and the blessings. 


Friday, October 4, 2013

Social Media Personas

Everyone is on social media.  Like it or not, what you put on social media creates its own persona.  If you post a bunch of statuses about how you are in the club, about to drink, going to party, etc, people are going to assume certain things about your life.   If you make a thousand posts about your romantic life, or lack thereof, or about your epic relationship drama, guess what, that's what people know about you. 



We don't know the truth about your life, all we know is what you choose to put out there.  And you're getting judged on it.  No one likes to be judged, people swear to say "you don't know me" but we do.  We know social media you:

- Social media you that complains that you have no money followed by gallon sized dranks.

- Social media you that puts every detail about your relationship woes out there for everyone to judge, but then wonders why people think you are loose

- Social media you that WrITes LIKe thIS and makes everyone tired

- Social media you that generously provides marriage advice but you've never been married

So before yelling "DON'T JUDGE ME!!!" maybe you should evaluate who you are allowing Social media you to be.

Monday, September 30, 2013

When City Meets Country

I love Jethro and, Jethro loves me.  We are definitely an "opposites attracts" couple:

  • I like quiet, he likes noise
  • I like books, he likes not-books lol 
  • He likes to "go out", I like the couch
  • He is friendly and outgoing, I like 4 sometimes 5 people
  • He enjoys end of the world type movies, I'd stick to comedies
 Typical, right?  Well, there's one other thing.  I'm a city girl (or was) Jethro is a country boy.

Jethro was raised in the corn.  Yes, corn.  I grew up on Chicago's south side.  For our first few years of cohabitation, we were in a 1 bedroom apartment and a 1 bedroom condo.  And maybe that's why I didn't notice his country tendencies until we got the house in the country.  What, exactly, are country tendencies?

Strangers

I never talk to strangers.  I'll be cordial and smile and maybe a few moments of small talk in a store, and I'll chat with a neighbor, but that's it!  If you are a stranger and you come to my door, you will be out there. The dog may give you the consideration of a "Who is ringing the bell" bark and that's 452 times better than you'd get from me.

Jethro talks to strangers and likes it!  Selling something door to door?  Jethro will talk to you and be your friend, while I am stashing kitchen knives in my clothes in case something goes down.  A few years ago we started getting visits from a random lady who I'll refer to as Althea.  Althea was walking around in the fall, wearing 152 layers and selling designer imposter's perfume.  Jethro let her in, because of course he did.  That's what country people do.  I'm pretty sure Althea demanded a cookie, and she got one.   Jethro brought some stuff and Althea went on her way.  The ENTIRE time I was plotting my escape and my self defense plan.  STRANGER IN MY HOUSE!!!! IN MY HOUSE!!! EATING MY DAMN COOKIE!

People sell all kinds of things out here.  Althea came back a few times (of course she did) and if I was here by myself she was SOL.  People sell meat (nope), fruit (nope), randomness (nope) and every time I'm all NO THANK YOU!!! And Jethro is all "Howdy traveler, come take a rest."



There's probably some good social ripple effect that comes out of it but...

The Blinds

Jethro enjoys things like fresh air and sunlight, which is craziness to me.  Why do we need fresh air? Why must the blinds be open?  Never open the blinds!  Someone will look in here!  So what we don't have neighbors next door?  That is not important.  I found myself today mad about closing the blinds. MAD!!!!

I realize that sounds crazy.  But.  We don't need any sunlight dude.  That's what lights are for.  Yes, that sounds crazy.  So?!?!? (While describing this post to Jethro, he asked me if I was Dracula, I replied yes, I am Dracula)

The Hood

When Jethro says "the hood" he doesn't mean it.  Well not like normal people mean it.  He literally means "neighborhood".  No!  That's not what it means. 

These boys were in the hood
Stars

Out here in the country, there are stars.  If you've always lived in the city, you've never seen stars like they exist in the country.  I'm always amazed by the night sky out here.  And Jethro chuckles because that's what the sky is supposed to look like.



Thursday, September 26, 2013

Fall Fun - Apple Picking with Nana

Last weekend, Ladybug, Nana and I went apple picking.   Ladybug loves "picking" thanks to Nana's garden.  In fact, if you hand her a basket, she'll ask "Peppers?  Tomatoes?"  She's a baby farmer.


One my biggest fears when we struggled to get pregnant was that our future child(ren) wouldn't know their grandparents.  I never knew either of my grandfathers, both passed before I was born.  Both of my parents were the youngest (or second youngest) of their siblings and started having kids later in life.  I wanted Ladybug (who wasn't yet Ladybug) to know the people that I love so much.

My parents (aka Nana and Papa) are Ladybug's favorite people.  She talks about them all the time, and it's so amazing to see her with them.

When Nana came over for our journey to the apple picking place, Ladybug got so excited when the doorbell rang that she cried.  Cried! NANA!!!!!!!  LOL.

It was $5 to get into the fields to pick which completely made sense once you looked at how much gets discarded by little people, or eaten along the way *ahem*.
"I did it"

 Ladybug loved getting all of the low hanging fruit and "running" (side note: toddler running is hilarious) down the rows.  She made friends with strangers and "kids" and she got to hang out with one of her favorite people.

Ladybug speaks so well, she's a parrot and every day she says something new that makes me do a double take.  On this day, Nana was a few feet ahead of us "Nana!!! Wait for me!"  Huh?  LOL


My favorite picture ever in life, Ladybug and Nana

We picked and I brought home 10 lbs of toddler picked apples.  And while Ladybug loves applesauce like Camels love Humpday, that seemed too easy.  So, I took my first stab at an apple cake.  Yummy deliciousness.

You can find the recipe here.  I did a simple caramel glaze of equal parts butter and brown sugar. 

Monday, September 23, 2013

The Return of Scandal

The beginning of October means a lot of things to people.  Some people have October birthdays and October anniversaries.  Yay!  For some of us, it means that an old friend is back.  SCANDAL!!!!


Last year, I wrote recaps for another site for Scandal.  Doing so made me realize that too much detail is too much and helped me hone my writing.  I don't think I'll be doing that this year, mostly because I don't think it'll fit in my schedule.  So instead, I'll post all of my randomness here. 

At the end of last season, we learn the goon that had been punking everyone the whole time (I dubbed him Earl because they didn't give him a name) was Olivia's father.  Which was good, because before then we knew almost nothing about Olivia's past.  She could've been hatched for all we knew.  We still don't know about her mother or siblings or any of her back stories.  Some people think Harrison could be her brother.  I don't know about that one. 

According to what I've read (no spoilers), most of the foolishness from last season gets addressed early on, and then they get on to something new. 

That all being said, here are some of my unanswered questions:

1. Anyone else still highly dissatisifed with Seven Fifty Two?  I wouldn't mind it if it didnt' conflict with what we already knew about Huck's past.  But it did and it still doesn't sit well with me.

2. Is Harrison going to get a love interest?  Or a back story? Or an anything.  I know a lot of you soon for Harrison, and while I don't personally understand it, I'm sure you too want him to do something more than answer the phone and talk fast.

3. Is Quinn going to go full crazy on us?  I kind of hope so, I like crazy wet-work Quin way more than whiny crybaby Quinn.  Although she certainly has a reason to be whiny.

4. Will David and Abby stop fighting it?  You want to be together, then be together.  That's it.  This is America, love who you want.

5. Other than Fitz, and that garbage they tried to feed us about Huck, we know little to nothing about the characters back stories.   Maybe this is the year we'll learn about what is truly motivating everyone.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Wizard

I finally got to watch both of the reunion shows for R&B Divas L.A.  And the biggest thing I got out of it was the producers aka "the wizard" had their hands all up in and around the cast.  The openly acknowledged that the cast members were told they got along too well and they needed to step up the foolishness or the show would get canned.

And then it seemed as though they had about 50-11 conversations with Kelly Price.  And while I still believe that Kelly looks as though the crazy is strong in her, I think she thought she was doing what she had to for the show.

That all being said, it was painfully obvious that the wizard set up drama.  Both Kelly and Chante were told that the other party refused to shoot with them, and it seems as though no one really said that.  By dropping lies here and there, they were able to change the outcome of the show.

When I was little, I had a "friend" that did something similar.  She told a bunch of us that another person said something bad about them.  I can only guess as to why, but she succeeded in breaking up a few friendships until we figured it out.

It got me to thinking.  The Wizard isn't limited to reality tv, or juvenile friendships.  The Wizard is real and is feeding us bull muckey on the regular.  Best way to deal with it?  Realize that behind the facade is a little person with no power at all.  Then you stab them in the face remove them from your life.


Friday, September 13, 2013

Pooped

What is it about being old(er) that makes you so tired?  It is 8 o'clock on a Friday night.  Most people would think the next sentence would be "I should be going out..." Nope.  I don't want to go anywhere.  I just want it not to feel like it's 3 a.m.  It's not 3 a.m!
iwastesomuchtime.com

My guess (science!) is that since I work off 5-6 hours a sleep a night, by Friday my body's like... nope. But I don't want to go to sleep (someone told me I shun sleep, that is kind of true), I'd like to:

  • write a million things and make all the money
  • make a grocery list
  • find some new recipies
  • make iced tea magically appear 
  • have clean hair
That list, it's not "what's poppin" (I'm so old) but it's me.

I need to figure out some time management or something.   I've got to rebalance family, work, writing, sleeping, eating, feeding the people who live here.  Right now, I'm way out of balance and I don't have a plan.  I need a plan. 

We still don't know the cause of my mysterious symptoms of randomness, but I believe tweaking my diet will help.  I can say that now that I'm drinking as much water as I can get in, some of my symptoms are decreasing.

I'll probably do some freezer cooking this weekend.  I've figured out that as much as I like to do crockpot stuff, my new schedule leaves things in too long even with the timer.  I need to do all the cooking on my cooking day so all I have to do during the week is warm up.

Follow me on Pinterest, I'll be pinning new recipes and then posting them here, eventually, you know, when I'm not sleepy.  :-)

Monday, September 9, 2013

Almost

I almost gave up today. Almost. 

- The thing that I'm waiting on didn't come through
- There was a bank error that was not in my favor
- People weren't where they were supposed to be

And for a moment, I was really close to saying I quit.  I can't do this anymore, I'm not going to try. For a while I allowed myself to feel the entire burden I'm carrying and didn't fight it.  For far too many minutes I let every bad thing overwhelm me.

For a little while, I was ready to do the most dramatic wall slide in the history of wall slides and then just lay on the floor twitching occasionally.  It seemed like a good idea.  I was tired. And that's what you do when you're tired.  You go sit down. 



But then.  I got it together.  I handled my business, I kept moving forward.  Failure is not an option.  Giving up is not an option.  Laying down and allowing the world to run me over isn't going to work.

Instead.


Sunday, September 8, 2013

Reflections on 34

While I was MIA, I celebrated by 34th birthday.  For those who don't KNOW me, I shun all things loud and crowded, so my birthday was perfect for me.  Well, except for having to go to work, that was kind of dumb.  But I was off the week before and didn't want to give up another PTO day. 

Jethro brought me Mexican corn and tacos from the awesome taco truck and I was in a grease filled happy place.  Yes, my birthday dinner was <$10.  I am a cheap date. 




I didn't know Adele named her albums for the age she was when she wrote them until a blog friend posted it.  The thought of reviewing 34 points of the last 12 months of my life was daunting.  So I present my album.  12 songs is an album right? Okay, that seems like a lot too.  Well, how about my hit single.   Well writing a song would also take a bit more effort than I am able to muster. 


So I have this.

34 was a year of growth for me.  Growth is never painless.  If there is no pain there's no reason to move.  I've learned to be a bit easier on myself and to give me a break, I give everyone else one.  I think I've done the best job I've ever done of adapting to situations that on face value seem like they could've broken me. I've grown in my faith can say much more comfortably, it'll work out, it always works out. 

This was also the year that I was able to use words to earn money. THAT is huge.  HUGE.  I needed a new suit last week and was able to buy something nice because of all of the words I wrote.  Words I wrote about infertility specifically.  Who would've thought that going through that would've prepared me for income later?  There's always a plan, even if we can't see it. 

Maybe that was my biggest lesson this past year.  To relax and let the plan work itself out.  Inhale, exhale, breathe, it's ok. 

That's not to say that the year was bad, because it wasn't.  I'm blessed beyond measure and I know the best is yet to come.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I went missing

I did really well with the #31writenow challenge until the 27th.  You know what happened then?  I got the fertility writing gig!  Yay me!  But, I'm writing three posts a night which means when I'm done I'm pooped.  I'm going to try to get ahead of the game this weekend because I have many things I want to talk about here.  So. Many. Things. 

But not tonight.  Tonight, I've got to write about the side effects of fertility meds and vitrification (aka how they freeze eggs).  Yay for me boo for not being able to talk here.  I miss interacting with everyone.  I'll be back soon.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Twenty-Seven - Cooties

It's official.  It's a part of her lineage I guess.  Ladybug has cooties. On vacation, well on staycation.

When we were younger, my brother and I would alternate getting sick on holidays.  Ladybug has taken this and run with it.  Her low grade fever morphed into 103 in the middle of the night, followed up with a nose bleed this morning.

I've never had a nose bleed.  Or at least not one that I remember. Jethro has so I'm totally blaming his DNA on this one.   There's something super disturbing about seeing a toddler with a nose bleed.  Especially your toddler with a nose bleed.  She didn't freak out, she probably has no idea that blood isn't supposed to leak from your head. On the outisde I was calm cool and collected, on the inside was a different story:

OH LAWD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO MY BABY IS BLEEDING FROM THE FACE! FROM THE FACE!!!! I AM DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO GOOGLE THIS.  GOOGLING THIS WOULD BE BAD.  WHY ON EARTH IS BLOOD COMING FROM HER FACE?!?!

A trip to the doctor and a little blood work later, she has an antibiotic and I'm beating back a fever with a Tylenol/Motrin combo.  Beat it fever.

She didn't really take a nap and after seeming like she was completely healed, 6pm hit and wham.  Baby meltdown.  I ended up rocking her to sleep. And it occurred to me that this really is the easy part.  No, it's not easy to see her sick, but for now, her ailments are easily solved with cuddles, kisses and being picked up.  When she can't sleep, it's fairly simple to pick her up and bring her in the bed with me (where she will promptly take up 90% of a king size bed).

What happens when she's 15 and upset because someone doesn't like her or makes fun of her?  Sticks and stones and all of that but that doesn't make it hurt any less.   When she was six months old, all she needed was a boob.  Boobs literally solved everything.  The older she gets, the less magical fixes.

Waking up for 3 am feedings is nothing compared to waking up at 3 am because of some foolishness your teenager is on.

I'll enjoy these toddler years all I can.  Even the cootie filled ones.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Twenty-Six - Whoops

Whoops.  I almost made it through the 31 day challenge.  Almost.

Yesterday it just couldn't happen.  I had articles due and after that it was all I could do to not have my eyes cross.  Tonight I'm still fighting the sleep monster, but at least I'm not up against any deadlines.





Official vacation day one did not go as expected as ladybug has the heebee jeebees.  I told her she was doing vacation wrong, but she does whatever she wants, you know, since she's a toddler.  I knew something was up when she shunned applesauce.   I'm praying she's all back to normal in the morning.


Saturday, August 24, 2013

Twenty-Four - Moments

I almost forgot to post tonight. It's late and I'm pooped.

Today I took Ladybug to a local children's museum. It was the perfect size for my tiny person.  There was an archeology dig site, a medical area, an art area and a lot more. 

When we got there, there was only one other family, so we basically had our run of the place.  Slowly but surely the place started to fill up and I got to see Ladybug in a new light, playing with her peers. 

I went back to work when Ladybug was 11 weeks old.  At first she was in a home daycare with super sitter and she transferred into a school setting at 15 months. She's been around other kids basically her while life. The thing is I don't get to see her interact with them. I get reports on her daily but it's not the same. 

There's a whole lot of Bek in Ladybug. A. Whole. Lot. She's a bossy pants, and things have places and they should go in them. She loves books which is pretty awesome. 

We had a blast today. But was a reminder of how much I miss on a daily basis. And it also showcased how well rounded she's becoming. 

My goal for this week is to enjoy her and to live in the moments because she's growing up so fast. 





Friday, August 23, 2013

Twenty-Three - Vacation!!!!

As of 5:15 today, I'm on VACATION!!!! I don't go back until the day after Labor Day. 

Maybe that's why I'm in full ADD mode.  Oh look!!! Something shiny!!!


Next weekend we're going up to visit my favorite weirdo - toddler road trip.  That should be fun. Yep. Fun.

I hope to get some writing in.  I heard back from the fertility articles, they loved them, they think I'm awesome.  Good so far right?  Well of course there's a BUT


They want to pay me in gum, or the financial equivalent of it.  While it would be more fulfilling than writing about air conditioners, I can't pay bills with fulfillment.  I countered, we'll see what they say.  I hope they accept the counters and I can write all the words and we an all be happy.

Say some prayers!

That's it.  I'm off to write about changing batteries in your CO detectors.  Fun!  
 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Twenty-Two - Feelings

You know how people say that you should be in touch with your feelings?  I'm not one of those people.  I try to get my feelings to stay as far away from me as possible.  And when I have too many feelings I eat so that they have to bow down to the fullness.  Yes, character flaw.  I'm kind of, almost, not really working on it.  

This also means I have problems with other people's feelings.  Other people's feelings are at least eleventy times worse than my own feelings.  Whenever someone says "I just feel like..." I have to will myself not to roll my eyes and exhale loudly.

"I am sad" is okay, it's a statement of fact.

"I just feel like blabbity blabbity blah" not okay.

This may be one of the reasons I typically can't do reality shows.  Too many feelings too much mess.  But this R&B Divas LA has me hooked. 


(Random #1: Lil Mo's husband knows he likes tight shirts)

(Random #2: Michel'le must've gotten the "one free" when the Jacksons were getting their nose jobs)

This week's episode picks up after the Dawn / Lil Mo heated discussion.  I get the impression that Dawn has about fifty-leven issues.  It seems as though she's easily led and that a lot of her issues can be tracked to her picking the wrong person to follow.  She's also attended the Kelly Price School of Acting Brand New For No Good Reason. 

(Random #3: You know when the producers set this up they thought they'd give the Divas a task and tell the crazy one she was in charge.  Foolishness was sure to ensure. Kelly isn't even subtly crazy.  She's that kind of crazy that is kind of obvious)

Looking Crazy "You can't see me, I'm hiding in my sweater. It smells like kidneys"
Kelly is out (good riddance).  Dawn is out because one of the gnomes she looks to for advice told her to.  

The four other girls decide to talk to a therapist.  I don't know why, well I do know why, because the producers told them to.  But as soon as she entered the room and began talking I stopped listening.   She used the word story 4,251 times.  That's too many. 

(Random #4: Everyone had nice eyebrows, Chante's were a bit thin but still.)

Everyone talked about their feelings and how they were worried about everyone knowing the thing that they don't want anyone to know.  And when I actually listened to the words it wasn't so bad. 

The therapist lady did say something that was so true and impact people always talk about needing someone else to give them closure.  "I just want them to say they're sorry", "I feel like they owe me"... here's the thing you may never get that.  Are you going to waste away waiting for that or move on?  Move on!!!!

Lil Mo tries to talk to Kelly but then neither of them talked to each other, Kelly walked around looking crazy, everyone called their husband.  It was just weird. Lil Mo cried cause someone left her kids at the airport, Kelly looked more crazy than usual and nothing got resolved.

Turns out Kelly and The Gnome Lover did their own Monologues.  And according to the internet they suck.  (thanks Shawn for letting me know about this gem)

I couldn't watch the whole thing, I skipped around and there's some singing but I kept being distracted by the giant OPP coat that is the background.  Supposedly they only did it the one night and that's the end. 

The reunion show was taped already.  I totally would pay $22.50 to see the quartet perform, maybe they'll take their show on the road?

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Twenty-One - Slacker

I knew I was going to be a writing slacker today.  I felt it down in my innards.  And I was. 

After writing like a crazy person the past few days, I wasn't in the mood.  I've got a good idea for tomorrow's post though. 

I enjoy writing short stories even though I haven't in a long time.  So I'll be doing some of that.  Until then..

















Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Twenty - Frustrated

Another short post. Yes, I'm a slacker - but I've got two more posts to write so....

Today I was frustrated with life.  I was frustrated with:

  • my weight
  • my clothes
  • my hair
  • my commute
  • my car
  • my job
  • my boss
  • my emotions
  • other departments at my job
  • my money or lack thereof
  • where my house is located
Today I was just frustrated with everything.  I can't say why, I shouldn't be overly hormonal.

Maybe it's because yesterday I was flying so high off the writing orders I got knocked down a bit by regular life.  I'm not sure.  Either way, tomorrow is a new day.  I'm on the right track, just have to keep moving forward.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Nineteen - Busy *Please hold*

No long post tonight.  Side hustle is popping.  I've got four blog posts to write about infertility and I'm scared and nervous.  EEeeeeeee!!!!! 


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Eighteen - Chasing Mavericks

I ended up watching a movie Chasing Mavericks tonight, or at least the last third of it.  It felt like a Nicholas Sparks movie at first, a palpable love movie that makes you feel too much and yearn for the type of love that only exists in Nicholas Sparks books.  I don't think there's another way to explain that.  Soap opera love, the love that pulls you in and you want to fight the obstacles that face the star crossed lovers. A Meredith and Derek love (notice I didn't say Liv and Fitz).  I wasn't in the mood for that kind of emotional involvement.  But I couldn't see the remote and getting up to find it required way more energy than I had to spare. 

Originally, I thought that my post would be about that.  How movies and books that portray love in that light, kind of set people up for failure. 

Chasing Mavericks is a true story about a 16 year old boy that loved surfing and trained to surf Mavericks, aka big ass waves that no one should be on ever.  He felt drawn to the water, his father was a surfer, he felt like he belonged on the water, he felt called to be there.  He didn't believe he was long for this world, and he wasn't, 7 years after his first Maverick he died in a diving accident.  He left behind his wife who was his childhood sweetheart (and the reason why it felt Nicholas Sparksy). 

I don't think I know anyone that felt a calling that way.  That felt drawn to do something with all of their being.  I enjoy writing and reading, and my life is better when I'm able to do those things but I don't think I'd say I'm drawn to them.  Maybe lightly tugged on.   It seems to me that most people spend so much of their lives trying to figure out what it is that they should be doing, that being able to feel that pull must be freeing in some ways.  One less thing to try and figure out while we're here. 

I'm not sure what my Maverick is.  I'm sure there has to be one, and it isn't eating chicken.  It's easier to move forward when you know what you're after. 

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Seventeen - Foolishness

Occasionally I'll listen to Steve Harvey's morning show on the way to work.  It doesn't happen often because a lot of their characters make me tired.  But, sometimes I'll be scanning stations and it'll catch during the Strawberry Letter segment. 

Once in a while the letter seems legit.  But usually it's the foolishness that has made Maury rich.  The last letter I caught involved:

  • A 47 year old married lawyer with 3 grown daughters, all of whom are married
  • One of the daughters and her husband are living with her while they have a house built
  • One day one of the daughter's husbands stopped by to pick up something and they ended up having adult realtions
  • They kept on having relations and the sil that was staying with her walked in on them
  • That son in law asked for a little relations of his own to keep the secret quiet
  • She's now pregnant and doesn't know who the daddy is.  
  • Her husband is suspicious because he got snipped years ago
I'm 99.9999999% sure I heard a similar letter on this show before, but whatever.   And I don't think it's real but let's roll with it.

First and foremost. 

What?!?!?!?!?

This lady wants to know what she's supposed to do now.  First, stop being a garden tool.  That's probably number one. 

Second, ugh. 

Third - What do you mean what should you do?  You should sit down and have several seats and keep your mouth shut.  No good can come of this. None.  In fact the best thing to do is pack a bag, leave an "I'm never coming home" note and run away. 


That's my advice. Run. A. Way.  Start over a new life with your baby/in-law.  You've just ruined the lives of your entire family.  Change your name to Molly Dogooder and move on.  Also, ugh.


Friday, August 16, 2013

Sixteen - My Kind of Doctor

Maybe because it's the first real reality show I've watched since Real World, but I find myself thinking about R & B Divas LA way too much.  Other than the fact that I get annoyed whenever they show Kelly Price (she's so extra all the time, I can't) there's no one that I just don't like.

That being said, there's something about Dawn.  She seems so aloof and like she's looking for someone to lead her.  The major part of her storyline is that she wants kids, but has had "woman issues" in the past.  We really didn't know what those were until this week. 

Last week she saw an RE (fertility doc) who kept it really real.  Maybe too real for her liking.  Although it was edited to all hell, and there was absolutely no evidence that they did any tests at all whatsoever, the first doc told Dawn that she was old (47) and her eggs were dusty (true) and that her options may be limited (true).  I want to say that Dawn said in one of her interviews that she wasn't open to using donor eggs.  Sure we're missing part of the conversation, I never heard the doc say "oh there's no way in hell you're having a baby".  What he did say was that she may have come to the end of the line, although that too was out of context

We learned more about Dawn's issues this week

  • Fibroids
  • Endometriosis
  • One ovary and one fallopian tube were removed
  • She's 47 
This week, she saw a holistic doctor.  Yes, this too was edited.  But it seemed as though this doctor told her if she stopped drinking coffee, ate rainbows and only breathed clean air she'd instantly become knocked up.  This made Dawn happy.

I made this face
 First, let me say I'm not anti holistic medicine.  But I am setting false expectations, and eating grass and drinking rainbows doesn't make you fertile.  If it did no one would be injecting themselves and dealing with mood swings or any other foolishness. Women would eat grass salads and men would go on rainbow hunting expeditions and babies would grow from trees. 

But that's not real life.  I'd much have a doctor who set realistic expectations while working with me rather than one that promises flowers and butterflies but can't deliver on either.

What about you?  What kind of doctor do you like?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Fifteen - Fighting Fear of Failure

Alliteration - I like it.

A friend and I have been doing a lot of talking about dealing with our fear of failure.  How we are going to stare it in the face and just deal.  I talked a good game. 

You see my fear of failure looks like this


I don't want to look this in the face.  I want to eat a bucket of chicken and pretend like I don't know this exists.  But it does exist and if i don't stop eating all of this dang chicken I'm going to be too heavy to flee or fight.  I'm going to get destroyed.

I know this but I don't know this yet.  I'm moving forward, but really slow and I need a guide.


In the not too distant past, two opportunities came up that I went after.  And they seemed so promising.  I was intrigued and the other party did a great job of stroking my ego.  Then, nothing. 

If I'm honest about it, I gave up afterwards.  I decided it wasn't worth my time or my energy and resigned myself to being stuck.  Stuck in a rut.  Woe. 

A new opportunity came up, and I was talking myself out of it.  I didn't want to open myself up to hope.  Because with hope comes my opponent from above.   But by talking myself out of it, I've let fear win.  I don't want to be a loser. 

So, I'm hopeful and I'm kind of staring the scary guy in the face while running in a zig zag formation. And I'm praying.  I may not have what it takes to fight solo, but I know who does.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Fourteen - Food

I have a really bad relationship with food.  Or a really good relationship with food.  I guess it depends on how you look at it. 

I wish I could identify the "why" behind it.  When my day gets stressful, my first thought is often "guess I have to go find some chicken".  That's not healthy, in any way really.  I need to find a new way to relieve stress.  Deep breathing? Yoga? Mediation?  Exercise?  I don't know.  But I need to do something.   Otherwise I'm slowly going to work up to needing to cover my body with slipcovers.  There's nothing cute about wearing slipcovers.

How do you de-stress?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Thirteen - Gifs

It's late. And although I have a lot to say, I don't have anything to say.  But I HAVE to post.


This would probably really motivate me to exercise




I have no appropriate things to say about this.




How I feel about serious writing tonight.





Good night. 

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I'm a 30-something wife, mom and pet parent. I've been blogging since 2004, at first solely on a blog for my friends and family. I love to write about everything. I can't say that A Bacon Flavored Life is about any one thing. If it occurs to me, it'll get posted. I write about life, love, infertility and a lot of "random".


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