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Monday, December 17, 2012

It's Something About Marriage

9:33 PM

It seems that lately a lot of my single friends are having in depth discussions and debates about marriage. Specifically, why it doesn't work, and what the wives (and husbands, but mostly the wives) are doing wrong.  These conversations are always funny to me, because if you aren't married, how would you know?  Like most things in adult life, you don't truly know how something is, unless you do it.

  • You have no idea what being a parent is really like, until you're a parent
  • You have no idea what being a homeowner really is like, until you're a homeowner
  • You have no idea what being a business owner is really like, until you're a business owner
  • You have no idea what being unemployed feels like, unless you've been unemployed
The same thing goes for marriage.  I know people like to think that shacking up is like marriage's younger brother.  It's almost the same thing, just without the "piece of paper".  How do I know?  I KNOW because I totally shacked! And having done both, I can say for certain, it's not the same.

The flip side is, there is NO one answer.  Every relationship is different, and every couple has their own issues.  Some people do walk into marriage thinking that somehow, a pretty dress and beautiful floral arrangements will automatically fix everything.  And sure, some people do get married for the wrong reasons.  I like to believe these instances are the minority.  I'd like to believe that people get married because they believe with all of their being that they have found the person that they plan to spend the rest of their life with. And then life happens.

Marriage may not ever be viewed the same way it was in 1950 again, but that doesn't mean that it has lost its usefulness.  With all things in life, we adapt. The same social trends that have allowed us to believe that fathers are not necessary (that's a post in itself) lead us to think that marriage has no benefit, no point, no purpose.  As a married woman, I can say that's not the case, but you don't KNOW that until you've LIVED that.

The other thing is, it seems as though single women feel attacked by their married counterparts.  And I don't know why - or understand the why.  I can honestly say, my married friends and I don't sit around talking about single women all day, and I certainly don't put down any of my single friends. Is it just that I travel in different social circles (aka I have like 5 friends and that's enough) or is it something else? 

Sometimes, I believe we create our own divides where they don't have to be.  Single women and married women don't have to be at war.  Your marital status makes absolutely no difference to me, at the end of the day it won't change how I live my life.  Your relationship status is your business and your business alone.  I won't judge your choices*, and you shouldn't judge mine.

*This does not include if you wear leggings as pants.  If you do this, you can rest assured that you look like a hooker and I think you're a trollop.  Leggings are not pants people! 

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2 comments:

  1. lolol!!! I love the *!!! And i almost missed it!

    I dont think any every really understands what marriage really takes until you get in it. I just wish non married, and have never been so, people would stop making assumptions on what really goes on.

    I also want people, women especially, to not feel like they have to be married by a certain age. Where does it say that? Take your time and let the right man find you. He will. And if he doesnt then love yourself enough to enjoy yourself. Figure out what God has planned for you and live your life to the fullest.

    Marriage can be one of the most awesome, difficult, selfless, compromising, exhausting, rewarding things in life!!! But you dont fully understand that until you do it.

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  2. I have been told I was a hypocrite because my views changed "now that I'm married". Uhmm, yeah?? If you haven't lived and experienced something you're talking based on your logical/reasonable thoughts. If only life were logical/reasonable all the time...

    I remember chuckling when you had your protective, "I'll kick a mofo's ass" moment after K was born. I said, yep. You have to have that experience to know the feeling. You. Just. Can't. Know.

    I remember we were talking about blended family issues; you. cannot. know.

    On topic, the greatest point is that you don't know squat about anyone's marriage but your own. Not your best friend's, not your parents, not your sibling's...NO ONES! You're an outsider; an observer...you have an opinion based on what you observe and then the perspective of one party (usually). So...nothing.

    I hate that our generation is shunning morals all around. Marriage isn't broken. Our society isn't so different that we don't need the benefits that marriage brings to individuals, children and the COMMUNITIES we live in. I can rant about this so...yeah.

    LEGGINGS ARE NOT EFFIN' PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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