Thursday, December 13, 2012


1:50 PM

I have issues. I know we all have issues, but I have "issues". And I know what they are. And I cope with them poorly. I am aware of that also. When I get stressed, I eat. When I get anxious, I eat. When I'm hormonal, I eat. I refer to food as "medicine". I bought truffles this morning because I was cranky and thought it'd make me feel better. I try to say I'm doing it for the safety of others, but it's totally about me. It'd be bad if I stress ate food at home. But that's not what I do. Nope. When I'm feeling down, angry, "stabby", anxious, I seek out fast food. I don't purge and order 25 cheeseburgers, but just the act of buying something for me, and eating it eases my stress. For a minute. That's stupid. On a conscious level, I know what I'm doing. I'm avoiding (avoidance for the win!) whatever my real issue is and covering it up with something else.

And then there's avoidance, one of my best pals. I've got two ways of dealing with conflict. One, address it head on, asserted myself, kick butt and take names. I'd say that happens about 51% of the time, be it internal or external conflict. Two, avoid it completely. I'm a master avoider. I can create all kinds of things to avoid doing what I ought to be doing. If avoiding stuff was an Olympic sport, I'd hold every world record, and a million gold medals.

I guess maturity is recognizing that I can do better. Being a grown up is actually doing better. So I'm challenging myself, for the rest of the month:

* With the exception of preplanned holiday activities, no eating out. None. No pizza on Fridays unless, I'm making it myself.
* See point #1. This includes if I have coupons! I love to use coupons as an excuse. I HAD to eat BW3 today, because I had a $5 coupon. My lunch was only $4. Nope.
* Lay off Google. For those of you who don't know Google is my man on the side. I can spend hours on end Googling random stuff. Who has time for laundry when there's Google? Unless there's a purpose, no random Googling.
* Do all the stuff I'm supposed to do! My laundry, catalog and drop off all the stuff I'm giving to Amvets, my homework.
* I must write once a day. Even when I'm tired, even when I have nothing to talk about. Must sharpen the craft

I can do this. I must do this. I will do this.

Oh - and

Week 1 Results: 3.5 lbs lost, current weight 212.5. Headed in the right direction!

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  1. You're a ROCKSTAR!!!! That's an awesome loss!

    No random Googling?? :/ ok...fine.

    You are an amazing writer. In many facets. Hence my, "how do I say..." questions even about my scientific stuff!

    I'm ├╝ber avoidant. I hate conflict. I just want everyone to do what they're supposed to do. Yeah, that works about -11% of the time.

    I've got your back on this whole journey. The good, the bad and the stabby.

    1. Thanks!

      Me without Google is like a fish without water. But I did get three loads of laundry done tonight. Progress!

  2. I Identify so much with this post!! Aside from the coupon thing...

    1. I've got an issue with coupons, I might need a rehab. It was worse before the baby, now I don't have as much time to devote. And I'm buying less processed foods which usually means no coupons.

  3. Oh, and you forgot "When I'm mad at myself for eating, I eat."


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