SummerSixteen !

For the past two years, I've done little to no posting here.  The amount of hustling words for profit I did simply didn't allow me the time to write for me.  Beyond that, I didn't even feel like writing.  I wrote in the morning.  I wrote in the evening.  I wrote on trips.  I wrote during lunch.  I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote (quality sentence right there).  Nothing of substance really.  Just some keyword optimization and chatting about ovaries and physical therapy.  Truly boring.  But, it provided a valuable stream of income.  Unfortunately, it cost me a lot of time.  I'd gone back and forth about giving up the hustle for a long time.  Finally, this spring, I'd had it.  I was tired of having no time to myself and being stressed by deadlines.  So. Many. Deadlines.  Work was stressful enough without the added pressure.  I walked away.  I enjoyed my summer, relaxed in the evenings, watched 50 something Game of Thrones episodes.

She is my favorite!!!!!!!!!

I saw Beyonce, Adele and Patti LaBelle.  I saw a zillion kids' movies.  I reclaimed my position on the couch.  I allowed myself to breathe.  I did a couple of 5ks. I made a quick weekend trip to Minnesota. I still did a lot of extra hours for the day job, but I had balance.  I started playing with ideas for short stories.  Something I hadn't done in forever.  

Oh - and I ate three of everything and gained back eight pounds.  Working on that.  

I picked up my first freelance job in months a couple of weekends ago.  A small job, but I set my own rate and made sure my earnings made sense for my time.  I'm trying to find a good work/life/home/hustle balance and find time to write here.  For real.  For real for real.  REALLY.  That's my goal for 37 (coming soon!), writing here more often. 

By: Unknown On 10:18 PM

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Me vs. The FitBit

You know you may have overdone it with the FitBit when your four year old says that she needs to get more steps! LOL.  I can definitely say she's paying attention. And I love the fact that she's picking up on some of my healthier habits. I've had it for about a year and it's kind of bit hit or miss.  I'm either super attentive about it and my steps or meh! There's not much in between.

Last week I told a friend that I wasn't joining any more challenges, because I was tired of being a loser.  Which may be one of the saddest things that I've said ever in the history of saying things.  I'd just decided that hitting goal wasn't possible for me.  That, of course, was a bunch of bs.  The only thing I had to do to be competitive was get off my behind.  That really shouldn't be that hard.  It is though.  Especially with a super sedentary job and the longest commute on Earth.  I got on my own nerves with my whining and got off my ass.  For the first time in forever, I hit goal.  Not just once, but all five days of the challenge.  I wasn't competing against anyone but me.  Me vs. my 10,000 step goal. I felt more energetic than I had it a long time.

I did this five whole times!!!!

Unfortunately, despite my efforts, the scale is stuck.  My body is good and health at 233.  It likes it here.  This is probably because I've spent a lot of time at this weight.  In fact, when I became pregnant with Ladybug I was this weight.  Although my body is happy here, my mind is not.  So I need to buckle down and get even more focused.  Plateaus suck but they don't last forever.  I'm going to add weights into my workouts.  And I'll become more vigilant with my carbs.  I generally don't think about vegetables when counting carbs and that needs to change.  My next goal is 215, but I'll never get there if I don't get the hell away from the 230s.

I only work two days this week.  Given that I find it so much easier to "do right" when I'm at work this week may end up being pretty interesting.

By: Unknown On 10:52 PM

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20 For 20

In the two months since my last post (oops) a few things have changed. I lost the extra med weight and am focused as hell Monday through Friday. During the week I'm a carb hating dietary BEAST. But then weekends happen and I lose my damn mind. So I gain a few pounds of bloat and foolishness then lose them during the week and repeat. And repeat and... For the past couple months. Which is a hot mess. The hottest of messes. 

I decided this past weekend that I was going to get my life together ! No more weekend foolishness. I was going to focus on just the next 20 pounds. I was going to do 20 for 20. What does that mean? No idea. I made it up and didn't bother to explain it to myself. 

Twenty pounds in 20 days isn't safe or realistic. Instead, for 20 days I'm going to focus on one thing per day. Does that make sense? Heck if I know, I'm making it up as I go along. 

Day 1 - Water 

Water is vitally important to any diet. And especially important for those who have massive amount of carb bloat and would like their pants not to hurt. Triple that importance for those who have given away all their fat pants.  My goal was 64 ounces for the day, so far I'm beating that by 20 or so. 

I know I can do this if I just stay focused. 

By: Unknown On 10:15 PM

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Finding Positivity

A week ago I wrote about how I was falling apart. Well... Turns out that my meds have a convent side effect of water retention. I am excelling at the side effect Olympics because I'm up like 8 pounds. Eight whole pounds. 

At first, I stayed really focused. No carbs. No foolishness. But as the scale continued to betray me - yes I took it personal - I found it harder to stay that way. I mean what's the point of trying when it doesn't matter ?!? Never mind that staying focused meant that once I get off the meds it's all about peeing. Lol. I couldn't see it.  

Instead I got sadmad. Which isn't logical and not like me but my body is rebelling and I can't stay up late and woeeeeee!!! 

I've got a plethora of first world problems which is a nice way to tell myself stfu and get it together. 

You hear that me ? 

By: Unknown On 8:26 PM

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Sprinting While Falling Apart

2016 has meant a few things: 

- I'm losing weight 

- I'm doing more freelance work 

- I'm going to alllllll the concerts 

- my body is falling apart 

Ok so the last one isn't so cool. After the random back pain I also had pinched nerves and a diagnosis of carpal tunnel in both hands. Both. Because when I do something I do it fully. Unfortunately I also tend to be unfocused with eating while I'm not feeling well, but I'm getting much better at it. 

Besides falling apart with my oldness, I want to be more active. Specifically I want to run. Why ? I have no idea. Running is stupid. But I so want to do it. Last year I did a few 5ks mostly walking. I'd love to actually run them. With my own legs carrying my actual body. So I'm focusing on that. Provided my body stops falling apart long enough to build up some stamina. 

I totally look like that in my head. Just have to buckle down and make it a reality. 

By: Unknown On 8:23 PM

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Old People Problems

Old people have a unique set of issues. They have grey hair. They hurt themselves doing every day things. They walk kind of funny. 

All of these things are also true for me over the past two weeks. I pulled a muscle, or a group of them. How?  Was I power lifting ? No. Hurling large objects? Nope. Defeating dragons? Absolutely not. I bent over. That's it. Yes, you read that right. Bent over to help Ladybug off with her coat and there was pain and spasms and I could hardly be upright. Sad. 

I took two weeks off from working out to give me time to heal. You know that takes a while for old folks. 

Anywho, I was back on it today and took a progress shot. Eeeeekkkk. Much further than I thought. I'm so excited. I've been staying focused and so excited about the future. See for yourself. 

By: Unknown On 8:10 PM

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Down With Carbs

I haven't written here in eight months. I never meant for things to go this long. My last post I was back on losing weight. I'm not sure how long I stuck with it but it couldn't have been too long. I did a couple of 5ks but I wasn't anywhere near focused on my diet. By the end of September I'd gained even more weight, tipping the scales at 261.4 aka too damn much. I did right for a week or so, dropping eight pounds in seven days. But again, I didn't stick with it. I got stressed of frustrated or some random other emotion and went right back to eating my feelings. 

What Changed 

When November rolled around I was sick of my own shit. I can't think of any other way to put it. I was tired of being fat. Tired of making excuses. Tired of epically failing at taking care of myself. I was sick of my own bs. I decided to go low carb. It seemed like the universe was pushing me in that direction. My mom, a friend and a bunch of the ladies I followed on Instagram found success with it.

I'm following a low carb, high fat (LCHF) diet and it has been a game changer. I like what I'm eating and I've been able to stay focused.  

(And I can still have Chipotle!!!!) 

Since November 10th, I've lost 15.8 pounds and I'm down 20.3 from my highest weight. My goal is to hit 175 by the end of 2016. It's doable if I stay focused. So I'm back. And on Instagram as bekeloo. 

Time to make myself a priority 

By: Unknown On 8:23 PM

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